Post 006 - I Don't Like Being Ignored

So... The Husband is ignoring me. Cold shoulder. As in ten words or less the past two days. I walk in the room, he leaves. Really subtle, huh dude? He won't even play with Kaleb. He was in the other room playing with him for the first time in a while, I walk in to get my clothes, he gets up and walks out. I am sick of this pathetic excuse for a relationship.

Post 005 - Baby Shower Time

So I went to a baby shower today for my friend from high school. I haven't seen her or my other friend that was there for ages. It was weird and awkward. It is strange that everyone is getting older. It makes me feel old. I have a child, my friends from school are having kids and getting married. Even though I'm just 21, I feel so old.
*le sigh*
On a happier note, there was cake! Really good white-chocolate raspberry filled cake with chocolate covered strawberries on top. Yum. And a very cute, very tiny baby girl. Her name is Kara (pronounced car-ah) Andromeda. Yeah. I know. But her mother is named Cassiopia. So that is to be expected.

Post 004 - Spelling Lessons

I ran across this article while randomly exploring the internet. It has a great explanation of Wicca and witchcraft. Enjoy!

"Spelling Lessons" An Article By Sarah Faith Alterman
(Click here to see the web page at the Boston Pheonix)

The Boston University classroom is abuzz. A dozen students, gathered for an extracurricular meeting, bounce around, sliding in and out of the kind of archaic classroom desks that feature thin beige tabletops attached by metal bars to unbearably uncomfortable seats, sucking down takeout, giggling effervescently about Facebook and 21st birthdays. Co-president Amber Dame, a BU senior, is writing out the evening's discussion agenda on the blackboard. Items include: the full moon, dark gods and goddesses, a bake sale, Salem.

"I am not going to Salem on Halloween," exclaims senior Alex DeSimone.

"But it's a really fun way to embrace the stereotype!", Dame replies.

These students are members of Nemeton, an officially recognized religious organization for people in the BU community who practice Wicca.

Oh my Goddess!

Lots of people define Wicca as “modern witchcraft,” which is partially true. Others write Wicca off as a stigma of evil and weirdness — dirty hippies and pentacle-wearing, elf-eared, 12-sided-dice rollers. The truly clueless associate Wicca with devil worship and sadistic rituals, like goat sacrifices and Republican rallies.

In truth, modern Wicca is a peaceful, ethereal sort of belief system, loosely rooted in ancient pagan custom and ritual, and based on a reverence for nature and the Earth.

"In short, being Wiccan means seeing the divine as an equal balance of feminine and masculine forces known as the Goddess and the God," explains Emerson College sophomore Emily Robinson, 19. “[It’s] worshipping these forces in nature and within ourselves, celebrating the cycles of nature, showing respect for all living things and alternate beliefs, refraining from harm wherever possible, and believing in the power of karma to punish or reward our actions."

Not as exciting as The Craft, huh?

The religion, as Robinson describes it, is relatively young, popularized in the 1950s by a British civil servant named Gerald Gardner, who published several books on the subject and is widely regarded as a central figure in the Wicca movement.

On college campuses, where teenagers struggle to define themselves outside of preconceived boundaries, a fair number of students are searching for spiritual validity. And many find their spiritual and social needs best met by adopting a belief system that is the polar opposite of the one they were introduced to as children. After all, college is famously a time of rebellion, self-expression, exploration. No better way to stick it to Mom and Dad than to cast a circle and chant incantations over an herbal sachet, right?

But Wicca isn't really too far a cry from, say, Christianity, the holidays of which are partially, sometimes outright, based on ancient pagan rituals. Those who mock Wicca with sneering indigence might take a second to meditate on the custom of bringing a pine tree inside your house and decorating it with lights and fruits, or carving a face into a pumpkin and throwing on a scary costume. Gardner himself wrote, in his 1959 book The Meaning of Witchcraft, "To a Roman Catholic who believes in transubstantiation, that is, that the bread and wine of the mass are literally changed into the flesh and blood of Christ, a ceremonial insult to the host would be the most awful blasphemy; but witches do not believe this, so it would simply be absurd to them to try to insult a piece of bread."

Many Wiccans practice "magic," a solo or group ritual effort to effect some kind of change, which seems akin to, oh, I don't know, prayer. As for dressing oneself in robes and flowers in order to perform a secret candlelit ritual, as many Wiccans do, think back to your fraternity or sorority days. See? Surprise! You're Wiccan and you didn't even know it.

Ariana Zarate, 19, a sophomore at Wellesley College, and UMass-Amherst sophomore Joshua Berkowitz, 18, were raised in Christian households, and turned away from church after years of discontent and curiosity.

"One of my friends got into Wicca, and, at the time, I was very religiously Christian," says Berkowitz. "So, I studied Wicca in order to try and persuade her out of it. The more I studied Wicca, the more I respected it."

A few years later, Berkowitz is active in the western Massachusetts Wiccan community, and he's a member of the UMass pagan organization SPIRALS (Students Pagans Integrating Religion and Life Spiritually). He recently founded a new Wiccan tradition, the Avatarian Rite of Wicca, which, he says, will function much like a secret society.

Stop rolling your eyes. William Howard Taft, Senator John Kerry, and that idiot currently running our country are members of a secret society called Skull and Bones. Which is a much, much creepier name than "The Avatarian Rite of Wicca." Plus, no Wiccans ever played Russian roulette with our tax dollars, and lost.

Both Zarate and Berkowitz say that the shift in their respective religious beliefs aligned with their decisions to come out of the closet. "Wicca felt open and accepting. While I was Catholic, I felt a little odd being queer," says Zarate. "I heard so many things about the Catholic community not being accepting of non-heterosexuality. There was no such feeling in Wicca."

Salem State sophomore Judith Valentine, 22, also raised in a Catholic household, found, like Zarate, that a religious doctrine at the opposite end of the theological spectrum was the best solution to her discontent.

"My first religion wasn't a very good fit, so I started looking for something better," says Valentine. "[Wicca] is basically the polar opposite of everything I found dissatisfying about Catholicism."

One would assume that a college like Salem State, so close to the witchcraft Motherland, would host a vibrant community of Wiccans who scatter the campus with Maypoles and garlands and positive energy galore. Not so, says Valentine. Surprisingly, there are no Wiccan organizations on campus, no galvanized community of "Magickal" students.

"During my orientation, we were given forms to fill out, if we so wished, about our religions," she says. "There was no box for Wicca, so I checked 'other' and wrote it in. About a week later, I got a letter from the school's Protestant adviser, inviting me to some group or other. I still think it's a little funny that the closest thing they have to Wicca at my school is Protestant, especially since of all the cities in the country, Salem has, arguably, the best visible representation of the Wiccan community."

Magick money

Student-run groups such as Nemeton or SPIRALS, which are well-organized, well-regarded, and meet weekly on school property, aren't easy to come by on many Massachusetts college campuses. Universities seem reluctant to recognize Wicca as an actual religion, so Wiccan groups generally don't have access to the same resources and funding as, say, a Catholic, Jewish, or Muslim organization. For that reason, students like Valentine, Zarate, and Robinson don't have a galvanized community with which to practice their religion.

It doesn't help their cause, probably, that Wicca is so often wrongly associated with cheesy occult paraphernalia and abhorrent demonic activity.

"At first, my interest in Wicca was very childish. I loved lighting candles and incense, writing 'magick' with a 'k' at the end," says. Robinson. "I was attracted to the fancy trappings of the religion — crystals, oils, ornate statues, velvet robes. Wicca had a deliciously 'forbidden' aura. The more I studied Wicca,” she continues, “the more I came to understand that the heart of this faith has nothing to do with candles, crystals, or even spells and witchcraft."

"There are people who really do believe that Wicca is a Devil-worshipping religion, which is ironic, because Wiccans don't actually believe in the Devil at all," says Berkowitz. "We're not a Satanic religion."

"Wiccans aren't trying to make Satanists into scapegoats, either," he explains, after pausing to laugh at his choice of descriptive noun. "Not only is Satanism a legal religion in the US, but Satanists don't sacrifice things. They denounce that activity. If you read The Satanic Bible, you'll see that sacrifice is actually considered a fallacy. But people are afraid of Satanists and, by proxy, witches and Wiccans."

Many young Wiccans maintain a sense of humor about their typecasting. Back at BU, Nemeton, hard up for cash like any other student organization, is discussing their latest fundraising efforts. (And, no, they can't just conjure it out of thin air. They're witches, not alchemists.) The discussion, momentarily interrupted when a cell phone erupts with a Star Trek theme song ring-tone, centers on the regular bake sales that Nemeton sponsors to earn extra money — efforts that are especially profitable around Parents' Weekend.

"When the parents realize who they're buying cookies from, it's the greatest thing ever," says Dame, and the group laughs about how awkwardly suspicious and nervous their classmates' parents grow when confronted with a pack of young Wiccans, laden with baked goods.

"I love when they get all freaked out but try to make jokes about it," says DeSimone, "and ask things like, 'Did you put a spell on this cookie?' ’’

"I like to tell them 'yes,' ” she continues. “A spell for deliciousness." Poof!

Sara Faith Alterman ensures that no goats (or even chickens) were harmed in the preparation of this article. She can be hexed at salterman@phx.com

Post 003 - Passing Out In Public Is Pretty Embarrassing

So, I passed out at work today... in front of a customer. Embarrassing.

I was checking someone out, and I got dizzy. My head started spinning and I got what I call "sparkly vision" where everything gets grayed out on the edges. I asked one of my co-workers to finish checking her out, and I went to sit down. My manager went to get me some water and I was left up there pretty much alone. Then this lady came up to the copy center and I had to get up (as much as I didn't want to...) to take care of her. I turned around, grabbed the white-out, and reached down and... I blacked out. For maybe 2 seconds, but still.

When I came to, I heard the lady yelling, "Help! Help!" My aunt, who works at the store with me, was holding me up. (Maybe I was out longer than 2 seconds? Because she must have run over there pretty damn fast.)

Everyone made me drink water and eat crackers and whatnot.

For the rest of the day:
"Are you okay?"

"Yes. For crying out loud. I am FINE." For the most part. Sheesh.

Post 002 - Depressed Post to the Multitudes of Non-Readers

I doubt anyone actually reads these things, unless of course there are a ton of really cool links, something awesome and fantastic, or tons of subscribers.

Blah. I have none of the aforementioned features. I will eventually, but as of this moment: nada. And I'm too lazy to do it right now. Well... I'm bored enough. So maybe I will.

I just need someone to talk to. I need a friend. And this sad computer is all I've got. I've already made the MySpace rounds. YouTube has gotten boring.

My son is playing around behind me, dragging out my art stuff and stringing it out all over the room, so that is another mess I have to clean up later. My worthless husband is at work after an entire day of ignoring me.

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice. Should I have gone back to him? Well, I did. After all that begging and the promises. Sure, everything was good for awhile. But for the week of our anniversary we were at it again. It is like a roller coaster, to use the classic cliche, living with him. I probably will end up leaving him. As soon as I get my stinking license back at the end of November.

I am so depressed. Being married sucks. My job sucks. Not having anyone to talk to sucks. My self-absorbed mother sucks. Everything sucks. (Well, except my son, but I do need a vacation from him too.) I just want to be happy...

EDIT: Nov. 7, 2008

Just letting anyone know who reads this: don't be offended. I wasn't well mentally when I wrote this, but I won't delete it because it shows how much I have changed in the past few weeks.

Post 001 - Random Blog Names

It is amazing how anyone can come up with a site name for a free blog anymore. If you think about it there have to be thousands of the damn things out there, if not millions. In a few years people will have to resort to random sequences of numbers and letters for their blog addresses. Actually, I think that Yahoo email addresses already have...